The End of an Era?

Tuesday was K's final middle school choir performance. Even apart from the ridiculously high number of emotionally charged songs (even for a MS choir concert...), I felt a sort of sadness that night. I was on the edge of weepy - and most of those who know me are fully aware that I do not do "weepy" in public. It felt like we are closing a chapter on her life and my tiny little baby girl is suddenly all grown up.

And I am all grown up. What's funny is that I can still remember some of the songs we sang, some of the cheesy choreography we did, some of the cheap-shot "let's make mom cry by giving her a rose while standing in front of her and singing 'Wind Beneath My Wings' while also spelling it out in sign language" stunts from my own middle school choir years. It really doesn't seem that long ago. I miss that naive, optimistic child.

It really seems that a breath ago, I was rocking baby Katy on my lap. I cannot believe she is going to be in high school next year. Because of cheer, it is unlikely that she'll be able to do school choir anymore. She probably won't even be able to do church choir, either. Maybe that's what has made me so contemplative this whole week. And don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter or wishing she would live my high school life. In fact, I think that this will expose her to a whole side of high school that I really didn't ever get to see. Because of the intensity and sheer amount of time she will be committing to this program, she will take away experiences that can only a few can have. I would likely never admit this out loud to you, but I always secretly wanted to be a cheerleader in high school. A singing cheerleader. A singing nerdy cheerleader who also raised animals. What can I say...I'm complex.

Was it really three whole years ago that I was so worried about sending her to middle school? She was so shy - I was sure she would be easily led astray. And now, she has grown to such a confident young leader that I don't worry about her moving on to high school. I worry that these next four years will shoot by just as fast and then she'll be gone. For the first time as a mom, I feel like I'm not old enough to handle the emotional turmoil that will cause when the time comes. Hold on, there must be something in my eye...the monitor is getting blurry...

Kind of a bummer night...my bad. I was actually going to save the "End of an Era" type talk for her very last day of middle school, but ya know what? I can't. Because I will be in Vegas. Heck to the yeah. That will probably be best for all parties involved anyway...I'm sure she will be all sad and crying and stuff and there is a high probability that I might join in and make matters worse.

So...on to the next chapter. On to the big time.

Current mood: reflective...and a little heavy hearted